hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
