Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
