i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
