He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
