so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
