she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
