Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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