i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
