i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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