Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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