I love black thongs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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