And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Farmville is her only friend.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize