ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
oh god was she eating orange peels again
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
