I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
