No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
