Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
