He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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