between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
