In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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