So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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