Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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