Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
