you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
