I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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