Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize