Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
