It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
