Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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