he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
