I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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