I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
