Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
