and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
