Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
