Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
