are you so shy because you have an std?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
