I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
