The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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