Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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