I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
