I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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