wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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