Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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