But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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