Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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