You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
thus making me awesome and them whores
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize