it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
