Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
