Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
