Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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