remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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