I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
