the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
