I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize