I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
