I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
