sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
