strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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