Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
should my penis look like a turkey
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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