I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
