help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
