hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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