we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
