Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
