last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
