Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
