Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
